Today we are going to talk about things that have been buried for a long time, and have unsuccessfully attempted to ressurect themselves. Nope, this is not about KISS’s 200th reunion tour (OMYGOD I HATE THIS BAND SO MUCH).
I am going to talk about some feelings. Feelings of self-hatred more precisely. Due to a rather insane family background (and I mean literally insane), I have been emotionally and sometimes physically abused to the point of irrationally hating myself, and wishing for days I was not there, here, in the now. I was taunted by my own family for my skin tone, weight, eyes, facial structure, hair, character – everything that made me, Me.
As a result, I have been drifting away for a large part of my youth, just quietly trying to keep up appearances.
Without going into a massive ramble as to how I got out of it over the years, the key is that I have developed a sense of self out of the constant destruction; a self so self-assured, people now mistake it for arrogance. Do I care? Fuck no, I have gone past the caring about what other people think thing.
All the way into my twenties, I used to look in the mirror and still see the fat, ugly child staring back. It took me years to realise that this fat, ugly child was a construct. NOT ME.
Then, I changed my way of thinking and started listening to my own voice, and NOT the voice from all the bullies that had settled into my own mind. These voices were also constructs. Not ME. And they weren’t paying rent – assholes!
I decided I COULD BE EVERYTHING I wanted. In the 90s, being a Mediterranean Goth was definitely not a thing in France, but I had decided I didn’t give a fuck and started my journey.
Nobody wanted to travel the world with me? I started travelling alone around the age of 20 and by 23 I had gone to Taiwan, Singapore and Bahrein. I don’t give a shit how this makes me sound, other than I am proud of myself.
Too brown, short and lumpy for fashion? Why darling, I will make my own self published shots!
And I am damn proud of it!
These were taken by myself in Whitby in October. I hope they will inspire you to go outthere and document your own legacy!