I’m Over Thirty & I Got No Expiry!

… Okay my Dearly Beloveds, if you follow me on social media, you will know that I had issued a public warning about a series of rants / moaning sessions. If you don’t follow me on social media – well, you know the gist already ! This one is about some age-ism I have experienced as a woman.

This is not about Goth. This is about Society in general.

Hear me out.


Over the second half of 2018, I started to slowly, but surely, fall into a really confusing, mind-boggling and booty-juggling place.

I was gaining weight at the rate of an Olympic whale – yet I was exercising and walking to work; I was feeling low, anxious and moody; yet I had lovely colleagues, a healthy family and an overall peaceful life. I was feeling lethargic and unable to physically move – yet I was sleeping my full 8 hours, and literally doing nothing strenuous. Work was fine, my new flat had no demonic residents and I had so many lovely things coming up : London Edge, catching up with the lovely Heavy Metal Momma, shooting some awesome thrift finds and planning festivals and gigs.

However, with each day passing, my mind was getting more negative, self-hatred was soaring as fast as my butt was expanding. Ladies and Gents, my body would bloat harder than Marilyn Manson on crushed up cheesecake. And I have actually seen Marilyn Manson off his rocker at Download Festival [not pretty].

I was confused and feeling like I was going crazy – explaining to people that I did not feel like myself was proving impossible. Explaining why I was so miserable whilst my life was technically lined up pretty neatly for me, was making me feel atrociously guilty. Cancelling on friends and Heavy Metal Momma felt awful and flakey. Innerly, I felt a massive disconnect between my true self, and the zombie which was operating daily.


How to explain it?

Well it felt like I was controlled, like a muppet on strings, only the muppet was tied to heavy, constricting strings which would only produce slow, bare minimum moves.


I went to the GP and it was a horrible experience. Within a few minutes of explaining my issues, he looked me up and down and spouted ‘it must be your lifestyle‘. Gobsmacked, I asked him to clarify; and he further repeated in a patronising, condescending, assholy tone ‘I urge you to look at your lifestyle‘ – multiple times.

I was fuming – I had met this guy for 5 minutes and he was already making assumptions about my ‘lifestyle’? Oh yes guys, I forgot to mention that by that time, he had seen my piercing and tattoos … insert sarcastic eyeroll  I proceeded to hit back, saying that I have a rather healthy lifestyle, and that I KNOW something is wrong with me. He then proceeded to tell me that this – putting on weight at a crazy alarming rate, feeling depressed and useless –  is NORMAL for WOMEN MY AGE.

Excuse me?! Because I went through more eyeliner than Avril Lavigne, I should lie there and rot?

But you know what the sad thing is? he was not the first mentioning age to get me to shut up and accept my fate. A few people also chimed in with ‘get over it, you’re old now’. I was feeling even more lost and let down.  But I knew something wasn’t right.

So I shipped my geriatric ass to France and proceeded to more tests.

I researched my symptoms. I asked about having my thyroid tested, I asked about everything under the sun, the moon and uranus. (yeah am talking about that asshole GP!!)

I found what my issue is and I sorted it – took matters in my own hands and booked an appointment to follow up with specialists – because HELL TO THE NO, I wasn’t going to settle for feeling like crap because it is ‘expected for my age’!!  And guess what, it was all hormonal related, through an implant with atrocious side effects no one talks to you about – something which I had mentioned as an option to the GP who fobbed me off with his nasty attitude. He denied it completely as an option. I did not.


I now feel miles better than I did previously, and I am not and will never settle and rot in a corner just because society deems women over the age of 30 to be fit for an Ikea display.

I still have plenty of damage to fix, but my mind is clearer. I feel more in tune and less zombie like. I am more confident even though I have a ton of weight to shift, including the GP off my surgery.


So my fabulous Friends with many springs, summers, autumns and winters under your belt  – do not let anyone tell you that your seasons don’t matter, for we are well seasoned and spicy and have no expiry date !!


So folks, have you ever encountered age-ism?

Let’s chat in the comments!

Outfit : Jacket, £29.99 from Reserved

Dress : Motorhead dress from EMP

Boots : Ebay (old!) – will dig out the links and update.

Necklace : Skully Bunting on Etsy

Earrings : Ebay


8 thoughts on “I’m Over Thirty & I Got No Expiry!

  1. I wish I could tell you it gets better – but it doesn’t. I’m at the peri-menopausal stage and there is a whole bucket load of trouble that no one tells you about and that they then shrug their shoulders at and tell you to get on with it. Like the hormonal visual migraines that landed me in A&E and an MRI scanner. The changes to my already sensitive immune system that have left me allergic or intolerant to anything containing salicylate acid (basically any veg and fruit and a whole host of beauty products). I cried at the immunology clinic when I was dismissed out of hand as a complainer by the consultant. My GP is brilliant – but getting someone to consider your symptoms holistically instead of individually can be quite a challenge.

    I will say the older I get the more I will challenge people who knock me back this way. I know my body and what feels right or wrong, much like you, and I will push for support now.

    Wishing you every health and happiness in the next few months. J

    1. Good lord that is one hell of a ride for you, that’s incredibly sad to read. I agree keep pushing !!! It’s so disgusting that “doctors” feel they can act so condescendingly – we KNOW when something is not right. Get better too and thank you!x

  2. Wow! I’m glad you figured out what was wrong and didn’t settle!! In high school my biology teacher told us about how her mother would go to the doctor complaining about back pain and migraines. He told her it was just a side effect of getting older… turns out it was a spinal tumor that, because it went undetected for so long, metastasized to her brain and ultimately killed her. I too have been brushed off for the past several years, suffering from chronic fatigue and struggle to lose weight… finally found a new doctor who diagnosed me with menorrhagia, which causes chronic iron deficiency. Finally getting referred to a gynecologist who can hopefully help me holistically as I don’t believe in taking hormones.

    1. That poor lady 🙁 That story is atrocious and sadly not uncommon … and i can imagine how worse it would have been a few years back. I am glad you also pushed, and I am 100% with you, on the hormones. I had no clue about the hormones shenanigans and how messed up they could ruin a person, I will never touch this again. I just wish women were listened and not just brushed off as drama queens, I researched it and so many ladies were suffering in silence, it makes me mad xx

    2. I had a similar experience to you and after years of being fobbed off and horribly anaemic they discovered I had fibroids. I’m intolerant of synthetic hormones so ended up on mefanamic acid which was great but unfortunately I became allergic to it. Iron supplements really helped (though not the sulphate). I hope you find a good solution and start feeling better soon.

      1. That’s horrendous , really sorry to hear you went through that 🙁 I’m waging my way through things and will definitely not take anything synthetic anymore, it creates such havoc people don’t realise it ! X

  3. Urgh, such an awful doctor! Sadly, many are just like him. Like that typical “aww, you havin’ your period??” every woman gets to hear.
    I have not encountered age-ism yet, but I’m almost 28, so I guess it won’t take that long. Now that I think about it, people do judge me constantly, because I have no children, no standard work and am not married with my boyfriend for 9 years.
    It’s different of course, I do know most of those people are jealous of my freedom, which causes a lot of the hate. Your doctor probably isn’t jealous, he’s just an idiot.
    Anyways, it’s good you’re better now. Your strength is so impressive, you just never give up!

    1. I hear you! Am the same, and have been fiercely independent since I was a teen. People have called me selfish for living the way I wanted? All the while am paying taxes to contribute to more people on Earth. Go figure!! And you’re right it’s pure jealousy- but again not out problem that they can’t handle thier own life choices. You do you !!xx

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