Thankfully for you guys, I am not going to sing the heavy metal version of ‘Let It Go’ today – this dude is pretty much nailing the metal version – but I would like to broach the topic of social anxiety, and my tips to let it go and watch it squirm!
I have always been a very quiet person, to the point of being so withdrawn my teachers actually thought I was … mute! I tell you what, if they heard me belting “Cowboys from Hell” now, they’d probably wish I was. *cackles*
I have been introverted since day one – I actually made the doctors wait in the delivery room, I knew the outside world would suck – and it has taken a tremendous amount of effort and self-work for me to get to where I am today. I am the proof it can be done, as I am now literally strutting down the streets of London decked like Lady GoGoth of Notre Dame, photographing my irregular self and proudly publishing it online!
Trust me, I had LOADS of issues : for the longest time I have always felt like I did not belong anywhere, and like I belonged with no-one. It is still true to this day, but my perspective and approach have changed.
I do not look like the standard “paler than toilet roll Goth”, nor do I belong into any scene and never connected with most scene people. I have been ostracised for it actually. I do not like fakeness and hypocrisy and would rather be alone than with 2500 facebook friends. Don’t laugh but the above made me feel alien as the norm seems to be just that – have 167098 Facebook “friends” and all be clones of each other.
Groups of people used to make me feel like I was in Gladiator, and turned me into Maximus Anxietus Quietus. Because of what?
Fear of what people might think, fear of saying the wrong thing, fear of coming across like x,z or z …
But now I don’t give a goddamn flying maximus fuckus !!!!!!
How did I go from the self-defeated, shattered self-esteem, anorexia-having girl to the proud owner of the “Not Give a Fuckitus” badge?
I figured out a voice for myself and the key life principles of :
“YOU DO YOU!“
“I don’t feel like I belong anywhere … well actually booboo, I belong on my own catwalk!”
“Who gives a damn if I am walking around the City of London with a gown, drag queen make up, pentagrams and kinky boots? I FEEL FABULOUS“*true story
Let me rewind back a bit .
Social anxiety is like having a live-in negative life coach, who resides in your head and constantly admonishes everything you do. Mine sounds like Simon Cowell and is constantly criticising my every thoughts, moves, options, ideas.
Social anxiety is feeling so crippled with inner concerns that the outer life ends up being one of a self-defeater, with self pity parties thrown every single day [the one time when you are a popular girl yasssss!].
One of the most frustrating side effects to me is that it makes you feel like holding on to existing patterns and behaviours, and eventually, through sticking to these patterns, be full of regrets or what-ifs…
“What if I had applied to this? What if I had taken a chance on this? What if I had spoken to this person?”
The fear of trying new things actually becomes more deep-rooted than your own hair.
But think about it …
1) None of it is REAL!
You might feel like you belong in the most dramatic film since Titanic II, Global Warming Strikes Back – but sorry to break it, whilst you are worrying yourself sick about all sorts of crap, you are still sitting at home in your Hello Kitty PJs. Wake up and LIVE! If you got to be a drama queen (or King), might as well bring in realness to it?!
2) You have FANS 😉
I hate to break it, but no-one actually gives a shitus about 99% of the things you are torturing your mind with. And if they do care about what coloured pants you are going to wear today or what dance move you are going to throw on the dance floor … well you have fans 😉 Let them seethe and waste their time whilst you enjoy your time.
Every time I used to concern myself with a ‘what will they think?‘, I retrained my mind to respond automatically “Who gives a shit” or “I look and feel aaaaaaace!!“. And because I thunk it, I felt it (similar to who smelt it, dealt it – embrace yourself and your farts fully giiiiiirl!).
And this is not being arrogant – this is being happy with yourself. Being confident is KEY. And if people don’t accept you, who cares because the crucial thing is that You Have to Accept YOURSELF !! the rest is your history 😉
3) What do YOU want?
After having spent so many years in the shadows and really wanting to give my passion a shot, I decided to FUCK IT and go full blown with my fashion and lifestyle blog. What is the worse that could happen?
That no-one would visit this blog? That no-one would visit my insta? That my ex-colleagues would lurk and gossip? yes – but I would still have had fun wearing my favourites clothes and still not given a fuck about what people who are not active in my life may think. Plus I am guaranteeing a legacy for myself with my rants to read back when I get Alzheimers and rock on my rocking chair! 😉
So what are YOU going to do to live fully?!!
Boots : New Rock (discount code : Thunder666)
Blazer : H&M
Dress : Amazon
Belt : RestylePL
Tights : Asos
Necklace : Alchemy England