Corporate Goth: My Background

As I am writing this, I am stuck between a desiccated planted pot and a mega caffeinated cup. My potty work friend even has bipolar hair like mine, but she went even more alternative with the green/blonde stripes :


Today’s blog post is a bit random – I have again witnessed some stupid office BS and it has made me think of my own ‘career’ and how I have progressed. I have been working in a various range of offices over the last 12 years and I have never understood the need to slay your colleagues or your personal existence for a business which is not your own, and will not hesitate to wave you Adios when required.

I can honestly say that I have managed to move through the ranks from my early days as a 20 year old fresh off the Channel Tunnel, without the need for backstabbing or climbing a greasy director. I am now an independent contractor making decent money [and spending it all on bling]

How did I do it?

I started working in a call center in Leicester for a measly 13k a year, taking calls from bored Barclays bank employees looking to get more leaflets into their branch to manufacture paperplanes to throw at customers and papercuts to get a month off work. This place was the definition of inbred cesspool – literally entire families where working / shagging / bullying there.

    • Lesson Learnt In This Workplace : To strive for better when you feel like you are stuck in a dead end. I had just come out of a prestigious uni and felt like wtf am I doing in a call center? But still I pushed to pay my house bills and my whiskey bills.
    • Lesson Learnt in This Workplace : Never write anything dodgy on email – saw someone get escorted off the premises for slagging a colleague on email.
    • Lesson Learnt in This Workplace : Women can be dirty as fuck. Toilets were like a World War II fecal bombsite there.

Still in Leicester, I then upgraded to a car rental call center for 16k a year, taking calls from angry Ford Fiesta drivers, expecting to be supplied with a Ferrari when their 15 year old motorised shopping cart broke down.

    • Lesson Learnt In This Workplace : People are arseholes, and you must detach your personal identity from the role you play for money. Like a true professional schizophrenic.
    • Lesson Learnt in This Workplace : Never ever leave any belongings in the office, for they may be tainted by crazy people.  A completely batshit woman who befriended me there told me she used to come early in the morning, snort cocaine , go to the loo and proceed to leave booty finger scents on her MANAGER’s MUG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After being traumatised by the Leicester experience, I then moved down Souff, and applied for an IT support role, which required the ability to speak camembert and tell people diplomatically ‘turn it off and on again’.

After 6 months in the role, myself and my male colleagues got asked to research and test a software. They did not want to do it and dismissed me when I suggested we do it together. I ended up doing it on my own … and my boss recognised untapped abilities as a software consultant through this.

Result? I got promoted to Consultant. *pats self on back*

… And got shouted at by my male colleague on the train back to Croydon (where I used to live) for ‘daring to take the promotion’. He literally screamed in the train ‘How dare you??? You should not have taken this!’  To which I responded : ‘Va te faire foutre Matthieu!!’ ie ‘Matthieu, Go Fuck Yourself!

    • Lesson Learnt In This Workplace : Matthieu is an arsehole
    • Lesson Learnt In This Workplace: Colleagues are NOT your friends, and everybody just looks out for themselves
    • Lesson Learnt In This Workplace: Ask / Drive your own payrises because they won’t come otherwise

I stayed in this place for a good 5 years, after which my boss went money-mad and started becoming lazy, complacent and delegating things without subsequent pay rises (He deserves a blog post)

So I applied to a Business Analyst role in the same area. From then on, I have basically changed roles on average after 1 year and a half and kept asking for more money each time.

Trust me, no-one will give you that pay rise unless you make your own path to it.

I have so many crazy stories from my workplaces but this post is getting massive, so I am going to stop there and will tell you about the crazy wife of one of my bosses another time…

Hint : she used to sit under her desk, without her shoes, playing on her ipad and squealing gibberish….

Another time I guess 🙂

xx Thunderella xx

Job Lifestyle London Random

3 Comments Leave a comment

  1. This is so relateable, there are certainly crazy people out there in work environments. I have had my fair share. lets not even start with farting and burping loud in the office, calling their mortgage advisers, calling their GPs to schedule their smear and prostate tests hahahaha

    Va te faire foutre *insert name here* – thanks Mel, I will remember this

  2. This is why I prefer to work for myself and not for any body. It makes me feels so much good and I can go out and take fresh air anytime I want without restriction

    • Spot on and that is what I aspire to. It must be amazing to be able to take a break when your body dictates it and not when the diary and countless meetings do! Thanks for your comment 🙂

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